domestic violence

Published on: November 9, 2017

30 Years of Abuse: What Weinstein’s Violence Reveals

Venn Crawford

On October 5, 2017, The New York Times released an article exposing decades of sexual abuse perpetrated by Harvey Weinstein, a well-known film producer and powerful player in Hollywood. After the article’s publication, a stream of new accusations surfaced, and journalists dug deeper, discovering a network of employees and private investigators who gathered information on victims and used non-disclosure agreements to intimidate them into silence.

The world looked on, many shocked by how sinister the story became as it deepened, others appalled that someone could get away with abuse for so long. But for survivors, each development just proves long-held truths about sexual violence.

Weinstein’s Hotel-Bathrobe-Massage Routine

Published on: October 17, 2017

What if Someone I Know Is Being Abused?

Venn Crawford

by Woodruff Family Law Group

Last week we discussed the damaging nature of emotional abuse, as well as the cycle that abuse follows. We emphasized the importance of understanding the cycle of abuse in recognizing and combating domestic violence, but how can we tell when someone is being abused, and what do we do?

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First off, the individual being abused will often undergo major changes in how they act – even if they were confident before, they will likely lose this confidence, their self-esteem dropping rapidly as the abuser undermines their self-worth. The individual will be afraid of their partner and may alter what they say or how they say it when their abuser is around, restricting their speech to avoid angering them. They may agree with whatever their abuser says or be hesitant to say anything negative about them. They may suddenly alter or cancel plans due to the abuser’s demands, and may not be able to see friends or family often. Their resources may be limited as well, such as their access to money or transportation.

So if we see these signs, what do we do? In helping a victim of abuse, we have to be careful with our approach – attracting the attention of the abuser could result in the victim’s situation worsening. The best approach is to find an opportunity to talk to the victim in private and express your concern. Tell them about what you’ve noticed and let them know that they have your support. It’s important for the victim to know that they have someone they can go to, as the abuser wants them to be entirely dependent upon them. However, the victim may not be receptive to your approach – abusers are highly manipulative, and victims may often take their side. Be understanding of the victim’s feelings and respect the fact that the decision to get help is up to them. Victims of domestic violence are given very little autonomy by their abuser, and what independence they do have is vital.

Published on: October 12, 2017

The Cycle of Abuse, or "She Isn’t Always Like This"

Venn Crawford

by Woodruff Family Law Group

Tuesday’s blog touched on the difficulty that some survivors of domestic violence have when they try to reconcile the good memories of their relationship with their abuse. In trying to reconcile the good with the bad, victims may start to rationalize the abusive behavior and second-guess themselves.

This tendency of the victim to downplay their abuse (especially while still in the relationship) is reinforced by the abuser’s talent for hiding their behavior. Abuse occurs in a cyclical pattern called the cycle of abuse, and abusers tend to perpetrate abuse only during half of this cycle. During the other half, they attempt to “atone” for their behavior, creating a sort of push-and-pull dynamic where they abuse their partner, then keep them from leaving by promising to change. This dynamic often serves to make the victim even more dependent on their abuser, and the inconstancy of the abuse makes it harder for both the victims and others to identify it.
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Published on: October 10, 2017

Whether He Hits You or Not: The Hidden Nature of Emotional Abuse

Venn Crawford

by Woodruff Family Law Group

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and #maybehedoesnthityou has resurfaced on twitter as victims and activists use the hashtag to speak out about non-physical forms of domestic violence.

While physical violence is what most people think of when they hear “domestic violence,” emotional abuse often occurs alongside or before physical violence, and can be just as damaging. However, because this form of abuse doesn’t leave physical marks, it can often be harder to recognize for both the victim and those who know them.

Most abusers are seeking to control their victim – emotional abuse undermines the self-worth of the victim until they believe they are totally dependent upon their abuser. The abusive partner may use a variety of tactics, such as minimizing the victim, isolating them by cutting them off from their support network, humiliating them, or gaslighting them. Gaslighting is a particularly insidious tactic, as it seeks to make the victim question their memory. This is frequently done by denying any abuse ever occurred, and makes it that much harder for the victim to seek help.
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Published on: September 10, 2017

What to Do When You Witness Domestic Violence

Carolyn Woodruff

by Woodruff Family Law Group

Dear Carolyn,

I was recently at the US Post Office on Murrow Boulevard. I was in line. There was a couple in line in front of me, and the man was hitting and pushing the woman and then laughing about it. She was obviously hurt and humiliated, but seemed unable to do anything about it. The woman had on a “hijab,” a Muslim head wrap. I didn’t do anything at the time, but I left thinking that maybe I should have done something?

– Concerned

Published on: August 22, 2017

Munchausen by Proxy in Child Custody

Carolyn Woodruff

by Woodruff Family Law Group

Dear Carolyn,

I have a strange question for you Carolyn. In fact, it is almost unbelievable. My ex-wife and the mother of my precious child constantly fabricates that the child is ill. The child is constantly taken to the doctor with the Mother saying that the child had a fever “last night.” The doctor cannot find a fever. Once the Mother said the child had blood in her urine, and the child had to undergo all these tests and nothing was found. The Mother tried to have the tonsils taken out indicating medical problems that did not exist. The list could go on for the whole page, but I’ll spare further details. The Mother is a nurse, and I don’t understand why she is getting all the medical items regarding my child wrong all the time. I was in a divorce therapy class and someone piped up when I mentioned this: “does she have Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy?” This Mother thrives on the attention she (the Mother) gets when our child is sick.

Signed: Crazy, isn’t it?

Published on: April 26, 2017

#DenimDay

Kam Hardy

by Woodruff Family Law Group

Today, April 26th is Denim Day. This is the day to show your support for Peace Over Violence and protest against the negative attitudes toward rape.

In honor of sexual violence month this Denim Day Campaign runs to promote awareness. This campaign started when the Italian Parliament overturned a rape conviction. Their reasoning was since the victim was wearing “tight” jeans, she must have helped her rapist get the jeans off which they are saying implies consent. Later that day after the ruling, a women came into Parliament wearing jeans to show her support and stand with the victim.

Since then, Peace Over Violence has started this campaign and to protest. There is no excuse and there is NEVER an invitation to rape. Rape is not a joke and wearing your jeans today shows your support.